posted by ebean
Dear Good People of POM Wonderful,
I’d like to take this moment to thank you for sending the promo case of pomegranate juice to all us ElephantBeans. Being as we are all tree hugging hippie types that are trying to change the world while we drink fresh juices and eat healthy, local, and organic food, we appreciated that your 100% Pomegranate Juice is in fact 100% pomegranate juice. And it tastes good too.
Although we enjoyed reading and learning about the many health benefits and recipes listed on your website, we would like to add some of our own adventures with Pom…
- Juicybean used her bottle of POM Wonderful as an all-natural hair dye. Sexy!
- Alcmaeonid prefers to use his for mouthwash.
- Wherehaveyoubean discovered that pouring a bottle of POM on the ice-covered sidewalk was a dog-friendly alternative to rock salt. Good thinking Wherehaveyoubean!
- Unsinkablemoo was short on cash and out of liquid laundy detergent. To her amazement, POM was colorsafe and even removed the ring-around-the-collar!
- Upon reading this article, Freebean was thoughtful enough to send a bottle to Bob Dole. No more Viagra!
- Lalabean’s special effects pal confessed that POM is the secret ingredient in the industry’s best horror film gore…
- …Which, of course, inspired Danbean to try it out as a bullfighter-style diversion for hungry vampires. Turns out it also works on bulls and snakes for some odd reason. Go figure.
- Somehow, Seabean discovered that POM is an excellent stain remover and now is the proud owner of a squeaky clean toilet bowl.
- Beanism is currently driving across the fine state of Rhode Island in a POM powered car.
I’m not sure how much of this really happened because as I write this, I am really fucking high on POM.