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The Case for Johnny Manziel in the NFL

There was no one I enjoyed watching more the last two seasons of college football than Johnny Manziel.  He would make wild and unpredictable plays that you normally see on a basketball court or a soccer pitch, not on the football field, and in the SEC at that!  That is why so many people, myself included, would love to see him perform well at the next level… and he can.  However, it is certainly a risk, something that most GM’s and draft analysts already know. However, I have hope for the dude.


Yes, it’s good to be Johnny Football.

If I were a GM, and I had a top 16 pick, I would take Bridgewater or Bortles as the first or second quarterbacks respectfully.  The reason being Bridgewater is a beast.  Watch him throw a few times (granted he needs gloves) and you can see the arm strength.  That is so important at the next level because you have to zip throws between premier Linebackers and Cornerbacks, and floaters will be picked and lead to 6 the other way more times than not.  Watch him throw on the run, and there is a “wow” factor to his precision.  He is not perfect yet, but you can see the talent.  He looks like a potential Pro Bowler within his first four seasons.


Bortles is simply a prototype quarterback.  He certainly has the “look” of a quarterback, tall and able to make all the throws.  Detractors might point to his weak conference in college, but that really does not matter too much.  Joe Flacco went to Delaware, Colin Kaepernick was at Nevada Reno, Romo is from Eastern Illinois, etc.  He will certainly be a career starter.  Not great, but solid and reliable.  He might need a year or two to develop.

Johnny Football is rougher around the edges.  His main drawbacks are not necessarily his height, but rather is slender frame, his arm strength, and his ability to read defenses and play the cerebral game.  In college, even in the SEC, he can slice and dice around linebackers and secondary defenders with smooth style.  In the NFL, as we have seen with so many quarterbacks, most recently RG3, you get a big hit from an NFL linebacker, and lights out.  People make the comparison to Russell Wilson, but he is much stronger than Manziel, and can take the big hits.  Additionally, Wilson knows how to avoid contact as much as possible, whereas Manziel has not displayed such ability.  It makes for exciting football, but leads to disaster in the pros.  However, a good coaching staff can help him develop that ability to avoid the big hits.  Putting on a few pounds of muscle wouldn’t hurt either.

The arm strength is an issue because you need a rifle for an arm in the NFL.  It’s not just about making the tough throws to the sidelines, every throw needs to have some juice on it or it will be picked, even by linemen!  One must never forget that every NFL player is an elite athlete, something Manziel only faced a handful of times in his college career: a team stacked with pros.  He did okay in those games, particularly against Alabama, but facing them every week will present a challenge.  He made far too many hail mary throws in college that will not work at the next level.

Scrambling quarterbacks like Romo and Roethlisberger have found much success in the NFL playing out of the pocket, but the difference between them and Manziel is they have proven they can play in the pocket as well.  That is why they are dangerous; because they have the threat to do both.  NFL defenses are too smart and fast to let Manziel get to the edge, so they will make him prove he can throw from the pocket, and over the top of 6’ 6” defensive linemen.  Wilson can do it because he has a rifle arm and is a great decision maker.  Brees can do it with his deft movement in the pocket, footwork, and anticipation of his targets.  Manziel has exhibited none of these traits.


What overrides everything is the ability for Johnny Football to do what he does.  He makes plays.  He wins.  Vick made it work at the next level, but he was way faster than Manziel.  Coaching will make all the difference, as well as the question if Manziel is willing to be coached.  I don’t think that is an issue.  Sure he is a diva, but he’s not stupid.  He will have the best coaching around, and whatever team drafts him will do everything possible to make him comfortable and develop him into a great player.  That is what he will be, it will just take about three seasons, and that is fine.

Aaron Rodgers is the perfect example of a team showing patience and smarts with a quarterback.  Who knows if Rodgers would be as good had he been thrown into the fire right away, and I guarantee that if Manziel is forced into starting right away, it will be a disaster.  I would take him mid to late first round, be patient, and let time show how good a player he will be.  I would take a position player with a higher first round pick, as there are some great corners and defensive players available this year.  With the right handling, he can be a Pro Bowler down the road, and lead a team to the playoffs.  Not as the focal point, but as part of a solid team.  He is not Cam Newton.  But he could be in the ballpark of Joe Flacco or Russell Wilson: a championship quarterback that “manages” a solid team that also has a great defense.   


Bridgewater will be taken number 1 overall by Houston, Bortles by Minnesota at 8, and Manziel will be taken by Arizona at number 20.  This would be great for him to sit and learn from Carson Palmer.  Plus, this is a solid team that is built on defense.  Not the sexiest team or location, but that would work out very well for him. Personally, I would love to see him juking and spinning around NFL linemen and linebackers on highlight reels, and I think he can do it.  Just give it a few seasons.


Top NBA Players by Position

Just because I feel like it, and injured players don’t count!

Point Guard

So many to choose from, this is the deepest position in the league right now.  If you are a starting PG, you are practically an all star.  So there are a lot of Honorable Mentions: Kyle Lowry, Damian Lillard, Monta Ellis, Deron Williams, Rajon Rondo, Goran Dragic, John Wall, Kyle Lowry, Ty Lawson, and Mike Conley.

  1. Chris Paul - CP3 is the best facilitator in the game.  He is the biggest reason why Griffin and Jordan are having such great seasons.  Noone runs a team like Paul.   chrispaul2
  2. Russell Westbrook – Health and rust are holding him back a bit right now, but his athleticism is off the charts.  His defensive intensity and presence changes games, and although he is hurting Durant’s stats, OKC definitely needs him to get to the Finals.  russ-richkidsbrand
  3. Tony Parker – Maybe it’s because he’s French or on the Spurs, but people forget about Parker.  He’s not flashy, but just gets it done every night.
  4. Kyrie Irving – His offensive game is stupid good, he just needs to improve his defensive intensity.  If he were on a decent team, he’d be a superstar right now.
  5. Steph Curry – The best shooter in the league, but needs to improve his defense.  This might be tough considering his slender frame, so maybe he can put on some muscle.  However, becoming stronger could affect his shooting, so this might be what he is, a specialist at scoring.  A great one at that.

Shooting Guard

This is the weakest position in the league, which is strange considering it was once the deepest, especially after MJ’s reign.  Honorable Mentions: Victor Oladipo, Bradley Beal, Gordon Hayward maybe… Manu Ginobli kind of… very weak position.

  1. James Harden - His game can be annoying at times because of his proclivity for flailing and drawing fouls, but he gets it done.  He is a great shooter, and is the primary focus on a rising team in the West.imagesCAS03WKF
  2. Dwyane Wade -  Might have been #1 a year or two ago, but you can see Wade has lost a step.  He isn’t Flash anymore, but can still score, facilitate, and defend with the best in the league when called upon.  A devastating second option to Lebron.
  3. Joe Johnson - Doesn’t make a lot of waves and doesn’t rock the rim, but is amongst the best shooters and scorers in the league, and is a clutch performer.  Defense leaves much to be desired.
  4. Klay Thompson - Has risen to be the best long range shooter in this group next to Harden, and plays very good defense every night against premier wing players in the West.  In a few years, he might top this list.
  5. Jamal Crawford – Perennial 6th Man of the Year contender, is the best weapon off the bench in the league.  Does not defend much, but can score from anywhere on the floor.  Makes crazy perimeter jumpers on a consistent basis.

Small Forward

A close second to Point Guard as the strongest position in the league, with some young guns who will move up the list in the years to come.  Honorable Mentions: Paul Pierce, Andre Iguodala, Luol Deng, Josh Smith, Kawhi Leanord, Rudy Gay, and Chandler Parsons.

  1. Lebron James – Not only the best Small Forward, but also the best player in the league, this one’s pretty obvious.     Kevin_Durant_Lebron_James_20120615073543_640_480
  2. Kevin Durant – The second best player in the league behind Lebron, KD is the best scorer in the league due to his size and shooting, and is a greatly improved defender.  Lebron gets the nod because of his rings, and his defensive presence is the stuff of legends; the guy covers every position!
  3. Carmelo Anthony – Next to Durant the most versatile scorer in the game, and is even stronger than Durant with his ability to score on the block.  The terrible season by the Knicks has overshadowed what might be Carmelo’s best season as a pro.
  4. Paul George – Has risen to become the second best defender in the league next to Lebron, and has amazing skills and athleticism.  When he becomes a more consistent scorer, he will be right up there as a top player in the league.
  5. Demar DeRozan - Relatively unknown by non-NBA fans, has freakish athleticism and has really improved his scoring ability.  Leading a surprisingly solid Toronto team that can make waves in the Playoffs.

Power Forward

Garnett and Nowitzki changed the needs of this position and in many ways the look of the league, making the “stretch 4″ and the ability to guard them a primary focus of GM’s across the league. Power Forwards now must rebound and make long range jumpers.  Honorable Mentions: Anthony Davis, Tim Duncan, Zach Randolph, David West, David Lee and Paul Millsap.

  1. Kevin Love – The most versatile big in the game right now as both a top flight rebounder and 3 point shooter.  Is a solid defender and the best outlet passer in the game.   KevinLoveShooting640
  2. Blake Griffin – Will be #1 when he develops a more consistent jumper, which is already improved this year.  The most entertaining player to watch in the league.
  3. Lamarcus Aldridge – Quietly has built himself into one of the top offensive big men in the game.  Also is a solid defender and is constantly improving his game.
  4. Chris Bosh – Bosh gets lost in the stardom of Wade and Lebron, but his defensive versatility is excellent and is a great spot up shooter, a perfect fit for Lebron’s constant double teams.
  5. Dirk Nowitzki – He is getting up there in age, but still has that soft shooting touch that has made him one of the best shooting big men of all time.


It might not be the premier position it once was, but there are still some very good Centers in the league right now.  I still find it odd that the Center was eliminated as an official starting position in the All Star Game… Honorable Mentions: Pau Gasol, Deandre Jordan, Serge Ibaka, Andre Drummond, and Tyson Chandler.

  1. Dwight Howard – Remains the premier defensive big man in the game.  His offensive game and free throw shooting are not elite, but he is still an invaluable piece of a great Houston team.   Dwight+Howard+Houston+Rockets+v+Washington+ZpPtxC1Y4Osl
  2. Joakim Noah – Has shot up the rankings of big men in recent years, and is now the best passing big in the game.  Also is one of the most entertaining interviews in pro sports! 
  3. Roy Hibbert – Under the radar until last year’s playoff run, Hibbert is a huge physical presence and has a great soft shooting touch.  Just needs to become more consistent night to night.
  4. Al Jefferson – One of the top offensive big men in the game, and leads the way for a Bobcats team set to make the playoffs, albeit in the East…
  5. Marc Gasol – Has missed much of the 2013-2014 season, but his mere presence on the court makes such a difference to his Grizzlies.  The reigning Defensive Player of the Year as well as a great passer and shooter, would be higher on the list if he was at 100% health.

Lebron James is Great and Noone Cares

Lebron is already one of the top 10 NBA players of all time.  Maybe top 5 all time.  Is there a better Small Forward in the history of the league?  Nope, Lebron is the best SF of all time.  I will get to that in a second.  The problem is despite Lebron’s greatness, and the emergence of exciting young players like Steph Curry, Kyrie Irving, Durant, and Westbrook, people just don’t love the league like they did in MJ’s day.  But first thing’s first.


That’s a lot of trophies…

I’m not a huge stats guy for basketball.  They can be misleading because there are way too many factors like being on bad teams and getting more shots.  Or if your team is constantly dominating, you get less touches, so a better player who wins might have lower stats than one on a losing team (see Carmelo Anthony).  I feel the same with titles, they can be overrated.  Is Robert Horry a better forward than Charles Barkley because of his rings?  No.  If you know basketball, and the era which players played, you can understand the skills of players relative to the skill of their competition.  Thus, I will always give the edge to players of the late 80′s and the 90′s.  The athletic edge goes to modern players, there have never been NBA players as fast and skilled as today.

I look at the players as players.  I don’t take into account how everyone was hurt by “The Decision”.  Yes, that was handled awkwardly, but people who don’t think that free agency and college recruiting is not basically done the exact same way, only behind closed doors, is just naive.  Eli Manning refused to play for the Chargers when drafted, I don’t hear much about that.  John Elway threatened to play baseball until he landed on the team he wanted in the draft.  Kareem left Milwaukee for LA, as most athletes do.  They go for a bigger market and/or more money.  In any career, would one turn down more money or to live in a better city?  People also forget, Lebron took less money to go to Miami.  Post comments that think comparing to Lebron to the greats of the NBA is not even a conversation are just not thinking straight.  Lebron is definitely an awkward guy, and probably is in the media too much for his own good, but he is an athletic freak.  For any sport.

Larry Bird. On first mention this sounds crazy.  Larry Legend is one of the most skilled ballers ever.  Given his size, he was a ridiculous shooter. Great decision maker.  Plain tough.  However, this is pretty easily in favor of Lebron purely due to longevity.  Larry’s career was unfortunately cut short due to injuries.  Even in his last few years, he was just way too slow to guard a guy like Lebron.  It is a testament to Bird’s amazing abilities that he was still a top player with his poor athleticism.

Skill-wise, Bird was a way better shooter than Lebron, but Lebron was just as good a passer.  A better finisher at the rim.  More athletic.  Plus, people forget that basketball is a 2-way sport, and Lebron’s defensive dominance and versatility is criminally overlooked.  Larry could not guard 5 positions with the speed and quickness of Lebron.  I don’t remember Larry flying in out of nowhere to block a fast break dunk.


Oh what a mustache.

Julius Erving.  Dr. J is famous for his high flying dunks, and awesome style.  Probably the best NBA afro of all time!  But Lebron is an amazing dunker in his own right.  I’d give the edge to Dr. J because he was more original and was definitely smoother about his business, but it’s a close one.  Erving was more of a post player, and Lebron is a better overall shooter.  Also a better passer.  Dr. J did play much of his prime in the ABA, so we may have missed out on even more greatness.  However, Lebron’s overall ability to cover multiple positions (his speed) gives him the edge over Dr. J.

Scottie Pippen.  This one is pretty close.  Skip Bayless is one who attributes Scottie’s greatness to merely riding the coattails of Jordan, and that is a common view of Scottie.  But that is crazy.  The two seasons when MJ decided to be mediocre at baseball, the Bulls still made the playoffs in a loaded Eastern Conference, and they were still a contender.  Scottie was their best player.  He had about as much defensive versatility as Lebron.  He was also a great dunker with speed and leaping ability.  He was not a great shooter, and Lebron is certainly not great, but I would say he was a better long range shooter that Scottie.  Scottie was a good passer, a smart player, but not on the level of Lebron.  Lebron is a top 5 point guard in today’s NBA, and he’s 6′ 9″, and 250 lbs.  Throws dimes.  Chris Paul is probably the only player in the league who is a better passer than Lebron.

Scottie’s Bulls teams without MJ were still pretty good, not great, but good. Lebron carried a pretty bad Cleveland team all the way to the Finals.  His title-winning Miami teams have basically been Lebron, Wade, and 10 3-point shooting guards.  Bosh is technically an all-star, but he doesn’t play like one.  I will concede that Lebron did not have to go through Ewing’s Knicks or Reggie’s Pacers, but you can’t fault the competition.  A championship is a championship.  Lebron takes this one.

Jerry West.  I will keep this short.  I have already run down Lebrons dominance in terms of athleticism, passing, defensive flexibility, etc.  Jerry West is the logo of course, and a champion.  It is certainly tough to compare players based on their eras… but if they played one on one, Lebron would block just about every one of West’s shots.  The End

There are a few other Small Forwards that might qualify… Dominique, Havlicek, and Rick Barry.  Dominique was not the passer or shooter Lebron is, and Havlicek and Barry aren’t even close due to athleticism.  Personally, I would be more entertained by Larry Bird, and I like him better as a player.  Realistically though, Lebron is already the greatest Small Forward in NBA history, and he’s 28.  Give Lebron a few seasons, and this won’t even be a conversation.

Of course this is where noone cares, and that is unfortunate.  I count myself as one who recognizes Lebrons greatness, and I don’t like watching him play.  It is rare that the greatest player in a sport is not the most attractive to watch.  Sometimes, he is just too dominant.  It doesn’t seem that entertaining because if Lebron is on, he just takes over.  He does not have the prettiest jumper, but he is statistically pretty good, and has gotten better every year.  He is a little too demonstrative on the court.  Basically, he is an awkward guy.

You can’t blame a guy for being the most popular player in the NBA in the new social media error.  Lebron could do a better job of limiting his exposure, and could certainly talk less, but MJ was known for his trash talking.  He used the media too.  He was just better at it.  Who knows what MJ would be like in today’s social media era, where every word, every play is dissected in an instant.

It is unfortunate that the NBA is not the beloved sport it was more than a decade ago, and the country has adopted football as the new favorite sport. Even hockey or MMA will often get more enthusiasm than pro ball, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you drop Lebron on the court in any era, against any lineup, he would be a top player on the floor.  The greatest Forward period of all time?  The greatest player of all time?  That will take many more rings, and let’s face it: Jordan ruined it for everybody.  Lebron might not be able to do anything to match Jordan’s greatness, his swagger, his Nike campaigns, he was just so cool.  Maybe if he switches to baseball… football maybe?  Lebron would be an all-star in any sport.  That would be great to see.

Live from Mysore – Bloggers

Eat, breathe, do yoga


Patrick Nolan Yoga


The Yoga Way




A fire within

Shit Ashtangis Say

It was only a matter of time.


Sex, tapes, and scandals: yes, another guru

Swami Resigns Over Sex Tape Scandal (VIDEO)

First Posted: 03-30-10 12:24 PM
The Huffington Post

Paramhamsa Nityananda, the popular Indian Swami who faced protests after a local television played a video that appeared to show him in bed with two women, has announced he’s resigning as head of a religion organization.

“I have decided to live a life of spiritual seclusion, for some indefinite time…,” he said in a statement on his website.

The 32-year-old Swami had been under siege due to the sexually suggestive tapes earlier this month. The Nithyananda Mission ashram released a statement calling the video “a mix of conspiracy, graphics and rumours”, but followers attacked the building.

A Hindu holy man, Swami Nityananda was reported to have over 2 million followers and has over 11 ashrams in India and 26 in different countries around the world.  click for full article.

Climatoon: An Animated Climate Change Chat

“The Story Behind Yoga”

[posted by ebean]A recent youtube discovery.What do you think?

more about "“The Story Behind Yoga”", posted with vodpod

NY Times: New Symbol of Unhealed Congo: Male Rape Victims

New Symbol of Unhealed Congo: Male Rape Victims
Published: August 4, 2009

“According to Oxfam, Human Rights Watch, United Nations officials and several Congolese aid organizations, the number of men who have been raped has risen sharply in recent months, a consequence of joint Congo-Rwanda military operations against rebels that have uncapped an appalling level of violence against civilians.”

“…aid organizations say that the military maneuvers have provoked horrific revenge attacks, with more than 500,000 people driven from their homes, dozens of villages burned and hundreds of villagers massacred, including toddlers thrown into open fires.”

“…Castrations also seem to be increasing, with more butchered men showing up at major hospitals.”

“One mother said a United Nations peacekeeper raped her 12-year-old boy. A United Nations spokesman said that he had not heard that specific case but that there were indeed a number of new sexual abuse allegations against peacekeepers in Congo and that a team was sent in late July to investigate.”

“‘I understand the world feels guilty about what happened in Rwanda in 1994,’ said Denis Mukwege, the lead doctor at Panzi Hospital, referring to Rwanda’s genocide. ‘But shouldn’t the world feel guilty about what’s happening in Congo today?’”


While reading this article, top news on the Today Show is Paula Abdul’s leaving American Idol and Susan Boyle’s amazing new makeover.

The 10 Most Overrated Films

posted by alcmaeonid

Do you ever hear people talk endlessly about a movie, they quote it and they joke about it and won’t stop talking about, but then when you see it you hate it?  You begin to question your taste in movies, and possibly your choice in friends.  You feel disconnected from the world because you cannot share in the film bliss.  Well don’t despair, you are not alone, I give you: The 10 Most Overrated Films ever made.

Now this list is not necessarily based on the quality of films versus the number of awards they won or critical acclaim, nor is it based on financial success.  This is purely a personal assessment of films that are considered classics or are extremely popular, but on viewing them just do not live up to the hype. Basically, they make you feel like this:


The list from top to bottom is categorized based on a combination of hype and critical claim in opposition to how mediocre the film is. The #1 film is the most overrated.    Prepare yourself and try not to smash your computer…

10) Pirates of the Carribean (All 3)

The first one was a box office sensation and made superstars out of Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Kiera Knightly, and the second shattered opening weekend records.  The first also garnered Depp an Academy Award nomination for best actor.  Yet all three movies are just bad.


Well, here is possibly America's finest actor, nuanced and subtle...

Maybe the first was watchable, but it certainly did not deserve any sort of Academy Award nomination outside of sound effects.  The second and third however were simply terrible, nothing more than bland clones of the original.  Perhaps worst of all, despite a remarkable career with countless memorable performances, Johnny Depp will always be Capt. Jack Sparrow in our hearts and on the Disney Channel.

9) Scarface (1983)

It is one of the most iconic films in modern times, with Tony Montana’s quote “say hello to my little friend!”, and the famous shot of Pacino mowing down countless hoods with an M16.  Every rapper uses Scarface as their icon, with even one particular artist adopting the title name as his own.  However, actual viewing of the film reveals that it is merely a melodramatic, boring, and overdone heap of a film.  It is considered an “action film” but there is only one notable action scene which occurs at the end, and it takes almost 3 hours to get to it.  Al Pacino is one of the greatest actors ever, but his Cuban accent is far from realistic or subtle.  Outside of surprising gore there is little in terms of twists or shocking revelations, which are hallmarks of great films.  Simply overrated.

8) Brokeback Mountain

Broke-ass Mountain was the toast of the Academy Awards the year it came out, with Ang Lee winning Best Director.  He should have won it for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, not for this piece of crap.  If you read my previous post “Naked or Gay” you would know that gay-themed films are practically automatically showered with Academy Awards, so there is a simple reason why it got so much praise.  The film stretches on forever, and it is oh so boring.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger were good, but to be nominated for Best Actor, please.  Honestly, if the story were the same but with a heterosexual couple, it would probably be on Lifetime.

7) Titanic

In 1997, every girl in America saw Titanic at least 12 times, and even guys can admit they saw it at least 4 times because of the girls.  It was all anyone wanted to do for months: see Titanic over and over again.  It also won 11 Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Director.  But you know what, it is just so boring.  Unless you are into slow, stupid romances, the only entertaining part was when people started dying and the Titanic split in half. Oh, and  Kate Winslet’s boobs were nice too.

6) Gone With the Wind

Often considered amongst the greatest films of all time, a classic of American cinema.  It is a constant reminder of the grandeur of the “Golden Age” of American cinema with massive sets, melodrama, lavish costumes, thousands of extras, and so on.  Adjusted for inflation, it is by far the highest grossing film of all time, raking in over $150 million dollars when movie tickets cost no more than a nickel.  Despite this, it is 3 hours of unbearable dialogue alongside a hefty dose of racism and sexist overtones.  As God as my witness, I will never see this movie again!

5) Reality Bites

I know some people personally who will hate me for this, but I just cannot get into this movie.  I get that it is all about the Generation X/grunge/angst era and all that crap, but I don’t care!  Sure Ben Stiller is believable as a douche, but he’s better in goofy stuff.  Ethan Hawke, well, he does a good Kurt Cobain impression that’s for sure.  I would fault Winona Ryder, but she always sucks at acting so this film is no different.  Despite all this what I hate the most about this movie is all …the stupid… Big Gulps!  I mean seriously, its just soda damn it!

Goddamn Big Gulp!!!

Goddamn Big Gulp!!!

4) 300

Visually innovative and filled with action and oily bare chests, this film was a surprise blockbuster hit and legitimized Zach Snyder as a director and Gerard Butler as a star.  However, this film manages to take possibly the finest example of soldiering in history and dumb it down to slow motion fights and cartoon backgrounds.  Where is the historical context? Realism? It would have even been nice to see at least one hit that was in real time.  I mean slow motion is nice, but when it happens for every single blow, it gets a little old.  And don’t even get me started on the depiction of the Persians, especially  Xerxes.  Homophobic? Racist? Take your pick.

Uh, are they about to make out?

Uh, are they about to make out?

3) The Boondock Saints

This is interesting because it came out and was critically panned, and made very little money.  It was basically a disaster.  However, it has since developed a cult following somehow, and every moron living in a dorm room with a laptop and a “COLLEGE” t-shirt insists that its the most awesome movie ever!  It is unoriginal, the acting is just terrible, and the action scenes are convoluted and way overdone.  No twists. No surprises.  Attempts at humor, but about as funny as Apocalypse Now.  Come to think of it, Robert Duvall was pretty damn funny in that movie!  I take it back, Apocalypse Now definitely has more humor than The Boondock Saints.

2) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Matthew Broderick will always be known as Ferris Bueller, the trouble-making high school kid who is loved by men and women alike.  He is smooth and smart, and there is no situation he cannot calmly talk his way out of.  It is in the canon of the greatest comedies ever made, and is a highlight of 80′s cinema.  I cannot fault the filmmaking, or the acting, or the story.  It is just not funny, at all.  I have seen it multiple times, and I have never even chuckled, not once.  Sure he’s endearing and the situations he gets out of are cool, and that dance number in the streets was spontaneous and original, but is any of it funny?  Not to me.

He's got a mohawk! And he's sining into a showerhead! I can't contain my laughter.

He's got a mohawk! And he's singing into a shower head! I can't contain my laughter.

1) The Blair Witch Project

Well there are a few angles to look at how this movie sucks, but I’ll start with the fact that it is not scary at all.  And I can admit that I scare easily with films, but I don’t think I even gasped once, maybe yawned a little.  The climactic moment when you’re supposed to see the witch, you see… nothing. Or a shadow?  I’m not sure if it even qualifies as a horror film.

The Blair Witch, or a drunken pissing frat guy?

The supernatural... or the urinal?

Come to think of it, I’m not sure if it qualifies as a film at all.  It is closer to being a documentary, but about what?  A scary shadow? A bunch of idiots who get lost in the woods with a camcorder?  At best it could be a short story, but that would mean it would be like 15 or 20 minutes, not a full-length “movie” with no actual climactic moment.  Even the Sci-Fi channel would reject something like this.  Bad picture.  Bad acting.  Bad sound.  Basically it is the most over-hyped and over-rated film.  Ever.